He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
