I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
