I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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