Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Welp...herpes.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
