That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
