omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
