Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
