On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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