On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
