Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You should frame my arrest warrant.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
