i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
