i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
