question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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