Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
