So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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