My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
