lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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