Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
