The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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