glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
