if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
