why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
