Grow some girl-balls and come out already
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
