Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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