Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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