this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
