i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
