Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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