i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
