"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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