there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
