This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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