I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
