I'd wear matching sweaters with you
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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