Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize