I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
