No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
