He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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