we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
