yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
