Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize