i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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