these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I smell stomach acid.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
