Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
