The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
