After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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