I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
