Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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