im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
