im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
