We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
