Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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