We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
