You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
