You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
