So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
