I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
