Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
