I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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