is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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